Fierce Competition

In a new documentary screened in Zurich this week, director Roman Polanski admits that he sexually assaulted a woman in 1977. Later in the documentary, Polanski admits that he directed "Pirates" in 1986.

Also this week, Amazon announced the new Kindle Fire, its answer to Apple's groundbreaking tablet, the iPad. The Kindle Fire is set to be a strong competitor for the iPad, featuring 8 gigs of storage for games, movies, and years and years of your life.

Faster Than Light

European scientists conducted an experiment this week that sent a subatomic particle hurtling faster than the speed of light, a feat deemed impossible by the Theory of Relativity. So suck it, Einstein. 

Losing Their Religion

German citizens will greet Pope Benedict XVI's visit this week with angry demands to reform the Roman Catholic Church. Their wish list includes loosening celibacy rules for priests, introducing gay rights, and changing the name of the religion to Unitarianism. They are also calling for a strengthening of women's roles within the church hierarchy but are not pushing this agenda too hard, as they are afraid of getting yelled at and having their hands smacked.

And in the U.S., alternative rock band R.E.M. is breaking up after thirty-one years. Over the decades, the band endured a tumultuous career of complete and utter bombs on the charts, deafening concerts that ended in fatal tramplings and security-force beatings, and an unprecedented number of drug-induced band-member-suicides.

Vs.

An experimental leukemia treatment uses an altered form of the HIV virus to revitalize a patient's immune system, empowering it to battle cancer cells. Cancer vacates the patient's body because cancer always loses to HIV, scissors and paper.

Over the past two years, a 50-year-old man bid a total of $5.2 million in an auction to win a dinner with Warren Buffett. While Buffett gave the man his much-coveted advice on savvy investment strategies, the man gave Buffett advice on easier ways to get a date.

American Jobs

Last night, President Obama delivered a landmark speech outlining his plan for a $447 billion plan to boost the American jobs market. I would have watched the speech but I was working.

Let's Burn Money

European banks are expressing fears that they may not be able to survive the debt crisis sweeping the continent. Bank officials say they are running out of money for day-to-day operations, such as buying cigars and brandy for the break room.

Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel is considering giving $200 million in taxpayer money to the Chicago Cubs to help rebuild Wrigley Field. The billionaire family that owns the Cubs said they would pay for it but they had met with a shortfall of money recently because they own the Cubs.

Back to Work!

Congress returns to work today after its month-long Labor Day weekend. The agenda on their first day back is packed with debates on fiscal matters, addressing aid requests from areas hit by Hurricane Irene, and multiple screenings of Big Bird Learns How to Share.

A 7.1-magnitude earthquake rocked the shores of Alaska early this morning but was quickly stopped and asked to return tomorrow when residents could prepare for its arrival and give it their undivided attention.

An 11-year-old boy who won $50,000 in a hockey goal contest will have that reward money revoked by the insurance company that funded the contest. The company said it was taking the money away because of the boy's pre-existing case of being good at hockey.