Goldman's Sack

Goldman Sachs posted its first quarterly loss since the crash of 2008, causing a ripple in the financial world. Goldman says they fear that the vast profits of yesteryear will not be possible under new regulations that bar them from investing in vast bubbles of nothingness. Regulators stand by their new rules, however, saying that banks need to be stopped from breaking insider trading laws, consumer protection laws, and the laws of supply and demand.

Helping Bank of America Stay Afloat

Bank of America announced that it will start charging customers a fee for debit-card use to help make up for the revenue lost by eliminating overdraft fees. The bank board says it needs this revenue because a bank can't function without a healthy supply of mansions and caviar.