PIRATES!

Wikipedia has announced it will shut down for twenty-four hours on Wednesday to protest the SOPA and PIPA anti-piracy bills currently making the rounds in Congress. Experts predict a spike in the factual accuracy of everything.

Kim Novak, star of Alfred Hitchcock's Vertigo, said she was deeply offended when she played the DVD of independent film The Artist and discovered that the filmmakers had used music from Vertigo to score their own film. After she lashed out publicly, police arrived at her house and arrested her for film piracy since The Artist isn't out on DVD yet.

The makers of Dungeons & Dragons are asking fans what they would like to see in the next edition of the popular role-playing game. Fans have not said much yet, but they are confident the new edition will likely do 2d6+3 points of damage to their chances of meeting women.*


* Normally I wouldn't write a joke about Dungeons & Dragons, because I grew up on that game and I turned out perfectly socially capable. Just ask my dark elven necromancer wife on the World of Warcraft PvP server.**

** PvP is for d-bag ROTC dropouts who play CoD: MW3 all day.***

*** PWND!